It's well into my last weekend in the UK and it just so happens to be a long weekend/bank holiday weekend. As I type this, Sara and Alasdair should be on their way down from up north. I'm so touched that they're making the effort to come give me a proper mental send off. Down here in London, it seems like everybody's miles away..it's going to be worse when I move back to the other side of the world! Anyhoo, Ali and Sara should get into town at some point tonight and the bunch of us will be staying at Neelesh's (aka the FUNHOUSE) for the weekend. We'll be going for the Notting Hill Carnival tomorrow afternoon and hopefully the weather will be summery (rain or shine, I'm still going to have a brilliant time, what with such good company...it'd be hard to have a shit time). I'm really looking forward to it, it's been a dream of mine to see Norman Jay and his Good Times Sound System at said carnival for years and tomorrow it shall come to fruition! Hurrah! The guys who organise the "Blah" parties as well will be spinning at the Earl Percy (I'm presuming it's a pub/bar) on Ladbroke Grove and I'm most definitely going to stop by at some point to shake my thang to the dirty/filthy/electro-house music that they pump out so well. Hopefully folk like Gina, Tira and Anthony pop by to join us as well. If any of you reading this are in London tomorrow and up for a wee dance at the Carnival, come join us! Oh, tomorrow is going to be amazing, I can feel it!

Choonage: Mylo - Musclecar (Freeform Reform Vocal)

Poem of the Day:

The Hard Goodbye.

Post-Coitus,
Whilst drinking coffee,
After Meals,
There at every big night out.
My companion of 9 years,
How could I give you up?
Especially at the pub,
There you always are
In my right hand,
Pint in my left,
What would I do with my hands if I didn't have you?
I get bored of pockets after 10 minutes.
Maybe I need a girl,
To hold hands with,
To kiss,
Instead of spending time with you, l'il miss
Feminine Nicotine death.
As much as I love you,
You've been expensive,
You've been abusive.
As much as I love you,
Girls don't give you lung cancer.
You do and that's why I'm going to have to leave you.

Tim'05

Choonage: Billie Holiday - I'll Be Seeing You

Poem of the Day:

Fast Forward 4 Years (See You Later)


I was in Tesco,
And I felt an indescribable pang of sadness,
For I had picked up 2 pints of milk and
Upon reading the expiration date,
Realised that I hadn't much time left to see my mates.
The mates I have in London, the ones coming down from Scotland,
The ones just a phone call away,
The ones who thought I was going to stay,
The ones always up for coffee,
The ones who taught me how to cook,
The ones I danced madly with,
The ones I told my secrets to,
Over red wine and cigarettes,
In Black Tie or Fi's Cowboy hat.
The ones I went for walks with,
To Castle Sands,
To skip stones,
As I moaned about the lack
Of female attention.
The ones who stayed up with me,
Till the early hours of the morning drinking whiskey,
Drinking Jack,
Drinking green tea,
Giving me their chat,
Giving me hugs and kisses,
Giving me memories,
That I hold so dear,
If I could I'd tell them each I love them,
And wouldn't change a thing.
I feel a tear,
Well up inside my right eye.
It's so hard to say,
To say goodbye.


Tim'05

Choonage: Chet Baker - I Fall In Love Too Easily

It's been a pleasant day, spent doing absolute F-A, just enjoying the english summer rain and eating loads. I went for a lovely dinner with a bunch of old St Andrews mates at Belgo, eating yet more mussels and drinking yet more fruity beer. It was so nice to be able to just chat with folk and reminisce about the past 4 years. It was sad as well though when we said our goodbyes, knowing that I won't be seeing these guys, many of whom I've known from my first days at uni, for ages. I got back to the flat (doritos in tow) and proceeded to watch lots of telly. The annoying thing is that I seem to have telly-ed myself back to a state of sobriety and am, as a result, feeling unpleasantly awake. I was hoping to go to bed soon, seeing as how the shipping company comes later today to pick up my boxes (my preciousssss boxes) which are to be sent back to spore and will only arrive in 6-8 weeks...oh, I am going to miss my lovely clothes.....oh, I hope I start feeling tired soon.....damn my ability to stay awake when I least want to *neelesh will attest to my ability to display the converse, i.e. my ability to feel tired when everybody wants to continue partying....old age, my friend, can be crippling at the worst of times*

Choonage: John Coltrane - I'm Old Fashioned

It's a Saturday night and I'm sat in Tira's, feeling particularly exhausted. Last night, Neelesh, John,Nima and I went to Plastic People for an Electro night that really wasn't amazing. The crowd (apart from aforementioned company) wasn't great, the music was mediocre and one of the djs was just terrible. Assuming that he was being paid, it really was a poor poor show of mixing on his part. I know how hard mixing can be, having tried my hand at it a couple of times ( I've decided that I'm more of a dancer, I am) but still, when you're on a night out and you're paying for entrance, the least you can expect is decent mixing right?
Anyhow, I'm tired so I shall make this entry short. I ended up back at the E&C, woke up not feeling all that rested (the smell of Alex's early morning coffee forced its way into my nostrils and refused to let me go back to bed...). Later in the afternoon, I met up with Kat (who'd come down from Scotland) for lunch. We ended up eating at Belgo (oooh,musselssssss.....I like) and had pleasant chat about how we missed St Andrews and what the future held for us. In the course of the chat, she told me that recently, a girl from St Andrews (who was an acquaintance of her's) had been in France with some other St Andrews kids, had gotten into a car crash and passed away. It brought back painful memories of Leon. May she rest in peace.
That was, undoubtedly, the low point of the day.
Okay, to make this short and to bring you up to speed, I ended up spending the afternoon shopping by myself (good ol' solo retail therapy) and spent more than I'd planned to spend......I'm knackered from all the walking about and although it's my 2nd last weekend here, I'm more than content to sit in front of the telly tonight, drinking my vino and being thankful that I'm alive. I'm thankful that you, dear reader, are alive as well. Go tell your family, your friends or me how much you love them. I'm sure they'd like that. And while you're at it, remember to buy me a drink the next time you see me.....I'm kidding. No, I really am *grin*.....

Just a wee update:
2 days ago, I went by Jos' (where my stuff was) to sort out packing and shipping. To cut a long story short, it didn't quite go as planned and came very close to turning ugly (it kind of did but could have been alot worse)...anyhoo, I've got all my stuff at Tira's now...the journey from Rotherhithe to South Kensington involved a very pissed off Turkish Cabbie who bore an uncanny resemblance to Al Pacino, hates British people and yet has been here for more than 20 years. He was an absolute nutter who cussed throughout the journey, smoked the harshest cigarettes ( I know this because he offered me one) and was convinced that the Tsunami disaster was the result of bomb tests by the Americans....as you can imagine, I spent a good part of the trip terrified. When I got to Tira's (thank god for her!), I had to bring all my stuff up 3 floors...thank goodness her flatmate Eric was kind enough to help me carry most of it up.
And on an ending note,
The lesson I've learnt from the past few days is:
I've got to be a bit more independent and I've got to stop relying on the imagined good will of others. I've got to start putting myself into other people's shoes more. I find it too easy to be lazy and to take their kindness for granted in spite of the fact that said kindness was initially offered "unconditionally". I don't know if I'm being too cryptic here or if I'm just trying to be diplomatic because it's the way I am. Neelesh has described it most appropriately I think when he says that I "see the best in others"....I'm too naive I reckon. I keep on believing that everybody else is like me and when things don't work out the way I want them to, it really disappoints me.Whatever it is, my paranoia has served to exacerbate whatever situation I seem to fall into head-first. I need to stop thinking so much.
Ok, sorry for subjecting you, dear reader, to this rant on my personal qualities....I know it smacks of arrogance but it is my blog after all. Do forgive me.
p.s. I think an extended stay in Singapore should sort my head out....and if it doesn't, woe is me.

Choonage: Jamiroquai - Space Cowboy

I have nothing happy to report. I'm a miserable bugger right now. I've booked my flight (one way) back to Singapore. I'm leaving on the 1st of September at 1830hrs. It is going to be about 13 hours of sadness. The only good thing I can say about this is that I managed to get a flight on Singapore Airlines, so at least I'll be travelling fairly comfortably....out of the 60 movies on offer, there have to be at least 2 sad ones....I'm going to "drown" my sorrows in the air...I'll watch something sad and drink lots of gin....and maybe the air stewardesses will upgrade me to first class (I very much doubt so)....in the mean time, those in Singapore can rejoice and look forward to seeing me again (albeit, grumpy, cynical and not much fun to be around) and those in the UK can start crying.......Maybe when I wake up tomorow, this day will never have happened. Maybe this is all a dream..........

Poem of the Day:

Love Insomniac

Dreaming about you in the day,
At night,
When my eyes are half shut,
When I'm not talking to you,
When I'm trying to sleep,
But you won't let me,
And you don't even know it.
I'm starved of sleep,
Tired of counting sheep,
Wish I didn't have to feel like this.
Going about my days in a daze,
With eyebags the size of mars and an ache in my heart.
I wish we weren't apart.
The sleeping pills are useless.
If you were here, I know I'd be able to sleep.

I just know it.


Tim'05

Choonage: Mew - Apocalypso

Been spending the past few days trying to cut down on my alcohol consumption (ok, maybe not trying so much as being forced to due to finances and all that) and trying to sort out the near future. It's been tiring to say the least. I don't want to get the hopes of those in Singapore up too much but ladies back home, it looks like your man here might well be returning in a matter of weeks. Yes. "Tim, back in Singapore for good? Surely not!", I hear you say. No. Believe it or not, the reality is that this impossible is swiftly turning into a probable. This is the last week of my looking for jobs and I have to admit, it's not been easy. One minute I'm all enthusiastic about looking for jobs, the next, I'm trying hard to search deep within myself for those absent reserves of motivation to look for said jobs. In between having deep, meaningful chats with close friends about what the future holds for me and watching watching films like "Joy Luck Club" (believe it or not, this film actually got me thinking!)which make me reflect upon issues of identity and the concept of "home" (what exactly is home? Is it Singapore? Is it the UK? Perhaps it's somewhere I've yet to stay in, somewhere like Vietnam or Brazil), I find myself fighting inner battles inside my mind. Why should I stay in London? Why should I return to Singapore? What do I want to do with my life? These questions plague my mind at all hours of the day...to be honest, these little debates in my head have kept me up a fair few times in the past month. I think I should just return and give Singapore a chance. It's probably better than I make it out to be. I hope it is. I really do. Well, nothing's finalised yet so, I'd better leave it at that. And on this sad note, I shall leave you to imagine a future with me in the UK or Spore. What think you?
Choonage:
Do The Whirlwind - Architecture in Helsinki

p.s. Thanks to Neelesh and Nima for introducing me to this uplifting song. I cannot stop listening to it.

The Fantastic-housed-up-smoothie-drinking 4.

The Fantastic-housed-up-smoothie-drinking 4.
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

We took a short break in between the "LANCING" (grin) to pose. Don't we look delighted?

Fruitstock Dance Tent

Fruitstock Dance Tent
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

And as we left the festival, we came across the Dance Tent which was packed full of people (including a very amusing topless fat old man,who was dancing like his life depended upon it), jumping up and down to the lovely HOUSE music...this made my day completely....everybody was smiling, jacking their bodies to the HOUSE music.....oh, what a day.

Fruitstock

Fruitstock
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

It's been a good weekend. Sher Vin and Sher Le are in town at the moment. On friday night, Sher Vin came to mine and was made to drink. We then decided to go to Pacha, where Ru and her friends were as well. It was good to dance to "house music all night long" with Sandy Rivera and CJ Macintosh(sp?) pumping out the funky house...anyhoo, to cut a long story short, we woke up the next day and went to meet Sher Le and Jerm/Jeremy...argh..I need to get to the point. Ok, so, this is a picture of Fruitstock, the free festival organised by Innocent, the amazing smoothie company. We made our way to Regent's Park and lay in the sun for hours, drinking smoothies and enjoying the lush summer festival atmosphere.

The job hunt continues. Things are starting to look bleak. I'm beginning to receive replies from the companies I sent applications to and they all say the same thing more or less ("Thanks for your interest....we do not require you to come for an interview...all the best...etc")....I must say, rejection is never easy. It's been an especially boozey week as well. I shan't go into details here for fear of shocking you guys but the folk in London (esp. Tira) know that this has been a week of nocturnal (and somewhat hard core) alcoholic consumption for tim. Anyhoo, time is a-ticking and it's time to sit myself in front of the telly with a bag of crisps and a bottle of rioja for company. A solitary evening at home never seemed sadder. Nae bother, I shall probably be slightly merrier in an hour.

Poem of the Day:

Girl from Way Back When.


The phone rang and it was you.
Your sweet voice,
So soothing,
As it reached,
Out to my ears,
From 7 hours ahead.
I dropped everything,
I knew I would.
As memories came flooding back,
Back to mind,
Back to a time when your laughter was so carefree,
When you laughed with me.
6 Years later,
We've both grown older,
And possibly more jaded,
Though those memories haven't yet faded,
I'm still here,
With my listening ear,
That I promised you,
Along with my shoulder, reserved for you,
Just to lean on.
You and your beautiful melancholia.

Tim'05

Choonage: Superstar - Nina Nastasia