Less than an hour to go. I cannot wait to get back to my flat so I can take a shower and indulge in all sorts of fun with water. For example, making tea, washing my hands, brushing my teeth, washing the dishes(!), doing the laundry...the list could go on forever. I've been holed up in the library the past few hours, using the computer (and the loo whenever I need to). I feel,to put it mildly, like Tom Hanks in that somewhat forgettable movie, erm, the terminal?? See,i told u it was forgettable. It's days like these that you really appreciate the little things in life that you tend to take for granted more often than not...I'm not feeling that sorry for myself though, esp when I think of the poor folk in Indonesia. That is the one country I have absolutely no desire to be in right now (apart from Iraq,Afghanistan...etc).So the weather here in St Andrews might be rubbish at the moment. At least I have a roof over my head. I still have my senses. I really shouldn't whinge so much. So there. I shall talk about something happy.
Like the fact that last night, Ru became the 5th on The List. The List being that of present gal pals who I've agreed to get married to in 10 years' time if the two(myself and each girl) of us are still single. Although I have the sneaking suspicion that I agreed to get married to one of the gals in 5 yrs' time....To be absolutely honest, I can't even remember if there were already 4(or less/more?!) girls before Ru....my memory is so bad. No bother, when it comes to the crunch, Ru'll be first by default...I've always wanted to get married in Rio(as for the honeymoon, let's just say it'll be at Batu P****. Hahahahaha!)...so,there we go, I have something to look forward to in 10 yrs' time. Now, I just have to find a country that I want to live in that'll allow me to practise polygamy. Altogether now, P-O-L-Y-G-A-M-Y! For T-I-M-O-T-H-Y!

It's been a good few days now, since the big night I had in Glasgow. My frail head still feels sore. My brain, it is not functioing as it should be. I feel vaguely stupid and definitely lethargic. What is it that keeps me going? I am still in St Andrews. The weather is still shite. Everything is grey. Alasdair and I have come to the conclusion that the weather is not helping our delicate moods. We've been laughing alot but it doesn't seem to alleviate anything. I think I'll be fine by tomorrow. I'm well on my way to reaching the bottom of this seemingly endless downward spiral. And, when I touch down, I will smile, knowing that I'm back to normal. I can't even begin to fathom how tidying my room up managed to send me into a complete and utter rage. I almost threw half the contents of my room out onto the street, onto the heads of the men with their evil,relentless pneumatic drill that just doesn't cease. Tomorrow, the water supply is to be cut off from 9am till 6pm. How on earth I am going to get thru the afternoon/early evening without taking a shower is beyond me. I can't look that far ahead. I can't even think about what I'm going to do in half an hour. Such is the blankness that has wormed its way into my skull. All these words I'm typing, none of them look like they're spelt correctly. Thinking is such an effort. Why, oh Why do I put myself thru such torture? Why is it that a night of fun is equivalent to a week of pain?.......

Poem of the Day:

The Summoning Sea

I heard its call,
And I answered.
Summoned by the sea,
I walked to the castle to see what I could see.
The grey waves, crashing onto shore,
Into my brain, its message bore.
The anger of the ocean,
Arose in me feelings that lay dormant.
With my brain so fried,
I almost cried.
It took all I had to hold back from howling,
At the sea,
Asking it to rise up and take me.

Tim'05


Choonage: The K&D Sessions

Poem of the Day:

Are you melancholic today?


Boy 1: When did you last fool me with your plastic charms?
Girl 1: As you held me tightly in your arms.

Boy 1: When did you last fill me with hope?
Girl 1: As I made plans for us to elope.

Boy 1: When did you last lie to me?
Girl 1: When you told me that you loved me.

Tim'05

P.S. This poem was inspired by Susan Sontag and something I read yesterday: "a smile without happiness is an anthropological signifier stripped of its validating referent if ever there was one. It is the tragic cultural aporia of a social world deconstructing itself before our eyes, the kind of semiotic breakdown of which the late Jacques Derrida always warned us."- Professor Gideon Garter, STYLE, The Sunday Times, 27th March 2005

Last night's Easter Dinner was fantastic...Sean made one of the best Sunday Roasts that I've had in ages. His Lamb and Potatoes made me moan(softly) with gastronomic pleasure...I think everybody else reacted the same...or maybe it was just me...anyhow, everybody promptly went into food coma after the delicious meal. Gina then whipped up an amazing creme brulee...oh food,glorious food! Between the 6 of us, we went thru 7 bottles of wine and 1 bottle of sparkling wine....it was amazing....I went to bed a very satisfied man. I slept for hours and felt well refreshed upon waking up. It's been raining all day and I am very loathe to leave my flat. I think I shall just sit my phat ass here in front of the computer all day. Hooray for holidays!

It's Easter Sunday today. I managed to miss going to church for the 4th year running. I had to sleep, I just had to. The weekend was absolutely massive. Glasgow was fun as always. Pressure at The Arches was a proper gem. The best and most banging set of the night belonged to Ben Sims who kept the choons coming hard and fast. It was near impossible to take a breather. Everytime I leaned against the wall to catch my breath, Master Sims would just bring on another belter. I can't help but think that he was being cruel....us poor clubbers need to rest ever so occasionally!! No bother, it was still the best set I've heard in some time. The rest of the DJs were pretty damn good as well though Swayzak and Steve Bug were particularly outstanding. Swayzak played a random mix of bleepey,funky, robotic songs which got me properly into the mood...As always, the Playroom was filled with friendly folk (some random friendly dude took of photo of the two of us just because he was so impressed that I study in the same university as the Royal one!), going completely mental!! As for Steve Bug, his electro/techno mix was pure groovy and got me howling in happiness (a little too loudly, unfortunately for the folk on either side of me)!!!!!! Anyhow, Sean is in the kitchen, hard at work on the Easter Dinner. Oh, thank God for good cooks. I'm looking forward to being well fed and on the way to recovery from my current feeble state.

Choonage: Portishead - Glory Box

Oh, the whiskey hang over....how unpleasant. I've survived though. I got up at the uncharacteristically early time of 9.45 am today and just couldn't go back to bed....why is it that when I go to bed wasted, I find it so hard to stay in bed the next morning?! Anyhow, I've handed in my dissertation and I can only pray that it gets marked fairly and that I get a decent mark for it *fingers&toes crossed twice over*....tonight I'm going to PRESSURE at The Arches with Sara, Alasdair,Aidan,Sam and a big bunch of ali's mates....it looks to be a massive night...Ben Sims,Swayzak,Rolando, the Slam boys, Steve Bug,Craig Richards, Dj Q, Richard Fearless and Ben Heckle are spinning! Hooray for House and Techno!!! I'll report back to you guys after the madness is over....I am so looking forward to a brilliant night!!!Peas Out.

Just a short update on what's been happening in the wonderful world of tim. I was in London last week for a postgrad interview. It went well and I came down the stairs this morning to find an envelope with an unconditional offer. So,I might well be in London next yr which would be incredible. Don't want to say too much cos nothing's finalised..but I'll let u guys know when it is. I hung out with Neelesh and his mates, drinking silly amounts and listening to a plethora of strange music, ranging from commercial rnb to quality indie. Got to see some people I'd been dying to see for ages and got to meet some new,cool folk (this is a shout out to NIMA).....I was glad I got to engage in some serious chat with neelesh(and share a tiny single bed with him, resulting in a severe lack of sleep due to my inability to sleep as straight as a stick...his sacrifice was very much appreciated though, the floor would have been worse)...anyhow, the future seems that tiny bit much brighter and clearer with this offer from Goldsmiths...now, to convince my parents about the merits of wanting to work with moving images....hahahahahahahah!
Apart from that, my return to st andrews has been ok so far..the weather's been temperamental as always but being back here's made me realise how much I love this place and how much I'm going to miss it no matter where I'm at next yr. I got my dissertation printed and bound today (big hugs and thanks to Gina for her help and patience, she's been a star!)....I hand it in tomorrow and it's going to be such a relief letting go of this academic project which has consumed me the past few months!
Tonight, is whiskey-tasting followed by sushi at Vena's...I can't wait...sushi and whiskey? Oh yes, please!!

Poem of the Day:

The Daily Struggle


Feels like the walls are closing in,
On my grin.
Can't keep smiling like this,
It just feels so fake.
What's the point in affecting an emotion I've forgotten how to feel?
My tears could fill a lake.
Thoughts of you,
Thoughts of us.
The thought of you with another.
It's just so hard to take,
When you only think of me as a brother.

Tim'05

Poem of the day:

Lullaby


I'm in good company,
Surrounded by well-meaning folk,
With good intentions.
But you aren't here.
And I think I might just start to cry.
Would you drop everything,
And rush to be by my side?
Sing me a lullaby.
Stroke my hair,
Till my eyes shut.
Sing me a lullaby.
Make my dreams sweet.
I'm such a mess,
I must confess.
I miss your sweet voice.
Sing me a lullaby.

Tim'05

Bec and Sam.

Bec and Sam.
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

At the after party, both decided to bare some chest!

Caroline.

Caroline.
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

Caroline gives us a smile as she moves down the feline walk.

Emma.

Emma.
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

Emma aka Miss Scotland 1st Runner-up, looking stunning as always.

Harry,Sam,Tim,Micol.

Harry,Sam,Tim,Micol.
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

4 Happy (drunk) people at the Fashion Show. I'm wearing Fi's cowboy hat which was a big hit with the ladies that night.....I wonder why...*grin*

Another week, more money, more mistakes to be made (as my mum put it).More strained conversations on the phone.
More good intentions laid to waste. My mum's pre-emptive aural strike thru the telephone, warning me not to spend too much time down south...She knows how expensive it's going to be for me when I'm hanging out in London later this week. She doesn't know, though, how much I need this short break from St Andrews.
If only I was better with my money. If only, if only. It's hard to please everyone. When i please myself, i get told I'm selfish.
When I try to please others, I get told I'm foolish. Why does my mum know me so damn well?? It's almost like she's that voice in my head that I tend to ignore. That voice of reason, that wee angel sat on my shoulder.
I wish I was wiser......

Going to the fashion show tonight( FS05), should be a right laugh. Unfortunately,i have no money to my name so I shall either go semi-sober or try to make rich,beautiful girls feel sorry for me and buy me booze. We shall see, I don't think I'm ready to face Trevor Nelson's brand of music sober. Good thing is, alasdair and aidan will be housing it up before him. i will post some pictures of the beautiful people of St Andrews up soon.

Poem of the Day:


Mocking Chair

Sat there,
Next to you and your girl.
Sat there,
All I can do is stare,
Across, at that empty, mocking chair.

Wish I didn't feel so bitter,
As I gulp down my lager,
Thinking I need an emotional baby-sitter.
It's spring time now,
But in my heart, it's cold as winter.

Tim '05

Phil and Fat Stripper No. 1.

Phil and Fat Stripper No. 1.
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

In the name of decency, I decided not to show Fat Stripper No. 1. without her top off. It might have scared you guys. Phil's reaction exemplifies the shock that was to follow when she took off her bra. Perhaps, it should have stayed on.....

GlamGlamGlam!!!

GlamGlamGlam!!!
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

The kids in St Andrews have a love for lager, fags and make up.

Scotland's Finest: Glam Rock Stu.

Scotland's Finest: Glam Rock Stewart.
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

Doesn't Stu look incredibly unreal? This pose sums up the night; Bizarre.

Glam Rock Tim, Fede and Aimone.

Glam Rock Tim, Fede and Aimone.
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

Here's a lovely photo of myself, Fed and Birthday Boy Aimone looking suitably glammed-up....and uncharacteristically camp at the same time....this is probably a one-off thing for yours truly....i hope. U can't see the tight leather trousers but they are the reason for the 'pinched' look on my face.

Poem of the Day:

MESS

Nothing is pure anymore.
My head hurts and feels so sore.
I wish I had another mind, a beautiful mind.
Still searching for peace I've yet to find.

Can I describe the utter hopelessness I feel?
Not today, time just passes me by.
I haven't accomplished anything,
Can you tell me what tomorrow might bring?

I need an alter ego,
My saving grace.
I need to find some solace,
In this desolate soulless place,
That is my mind, a hazy space.

Tim'05

Choonage: Mew- Frengers

Oh my head, my poor head. The weekend was unbelievably crazy. Last night was comparatively tamer but before I talk about last night, let me just tell you guys about friday night. Friday night was Aimone's 21st birthday party. It was a "Glam Rock" themed party as you know from my previous post. Anyhow, after squeezing into the female size 28 leather trousers and tight female top with purple hearts that I bought from Oxfam, I got Sara to do my make up. I looked like a thunder cat, with glittery hair and a star on my right cheek. I walked the short 2 minute walk to Aimone's, to find that there was security posted at the door. The party in his flat was amazing. It's a massive 7 bedroom flat which is occupied only by Aimone and his girlfriend, Alex. They had turned the kitchen into a bar manned by these 2 guys in makeup. The drinks were free and flowed non-stop. One of the rooms had a dj playing glam rock and rock and roll.....everybody made a proper effort. I looked so tame compared to some of the guys (and girls)..anyhow,I'll post photos soon! After a couple of hours, someone said that the buses were leaving. At this point, I was quite wasted and not totally with it...I decided to follow the crowd. So, a big bunch of us, in our lovely glam rock attire, marched to the front of the Union which was,coincidentally, about to shut so all the drunk kids coming out were met with the sight of us made-up beasties/beauties sat in 2 buses,staring back at them. The buses took us to Kinkell Farm, abt 20 minutes out of St Andrews, where there was, yet again, another free-all-night-type-bar, a dj playing techno/electro and, ahem, two dancing poles with 2 strippers(not the most attractive, but still..strippers)!! Un-bloody-believable! I actually thought I was tripping for a bit. These two random birds got up and started dancing with the poles and I thought, fair enough. But, when the clothes started coming off....oh my gawd. Definitely one of the craziest parties I've been to in a long time...I don't actually remember leaving to be quite honest....it's amazing how I managed to go out again last night. But I had to. It was SubGroove at the Union..alasdair, aidan and don spun house and techno and it was a shame that hardly anybody turned up. They missed out on a good night. I'm glad the lovely Kristina came along. It was good hanging out with her and having a bit of a dance.....Now,I've got work up to my eyeballs, an empty pocket and a great,big hang over.
Wait for the pictures...I'll post them up soon.
Choonage: Greg Vickers- Are You Tribal (dj mix)

It seems that we are in the midst of Themed Party Season here in St Andrews. Last week was the short shorts party which was a right laugh. Tonight takes the biscuit though. It's a Glam Rock themed party for Aimone's 21st. I find it funny how, I never really put all that much effort into dressing up crazy the past 3 years and yet, lately, I have. Maybe it's cos I'm aware that these are my last few months in St Andrews and depending on circumstances next yr, there's a high chance I won't ever get the chance to play dress up again in the future, bar the bedroom and halloween.I went to the charity shop yesterday with Sara and made two purchases which are just so-not-me. I don't want to give too much away but you'll find out what I mean when you see the photos. Let's just say that tonight, Tim is going to have a very different look! Stay Chooned.....

Choonage: The Dirt Chamber Sessions Vol. 1- Liam Howlett (from the Prodigy)

So, it's wednesday. The middle of the week. Where on earth have the past few days gone? In between trying to get well and trying to do some studying, my mate Matt turned up. He took a break from crab fishing off the Isle of Mull and came to visit us and remind us why the friends you make are worth holding onto. Just a bit of background info: Matt,along with Alasdair,Aidan, Bec and myself were all in the same hall in my 1st year of uni. The 5 of us hung out everyday in his room, spinning on the decks, looking at his lava lamp and holding our weekly mini parties in his room, among the many many things we got up to there. To cut a long story short, Matt left uni last year and since then I've only seen him once (NYE..he was trashed as was i, conversation was hard)....so,he turns up the other day and within half an hr of sitting in my living room, he convinces a bunch of us to hit the pubs. The past 2 days have been a bit of a drunken mess again but this time,I don't feel guilty. He's going off tomorrow and I don't know when I'm next going to see him. He is easily one of my favourite people with his easy-going disposition and ever-ready smile. So,if the next post comes from a very hungover Tim, dinnae be surprised. I'm so glad he showed up. Random acts like these always make me happy! Here's to Matt, my fisherman friend and good mate. *chinchin*