Another night of fitful sleep. About 2 hours before going to bed last night, I took some Sudafed to sort my flu out. Little did I realise that the miniscule amount of caffeine inside the 2 wee capsules would keep me up for hours. I read my Murakami book (Kafka on the Shore) till I was too tired to read anymore and proceeded to lie in the darkness for hours. I must have passed out at around 4 in the morn. My mum sent me a text message that woke me up at 7am. I managed to go back to sleep till she called me at 10 am. I spoke to her till I was fully awake and unable to return to the land of nod. Funny thing is, I feel much better today...well,apart from my schizophrenic nose which is taking turns to alternate between stuffiness and pure runniness (apologies if my spelling's wrong,i can't be arsed to make sure it's right. my invisible paranoid spelling bee friend thinks it always is)......anyhow,i have to do some work,i need to motivate myself or i'll end up falling into yet another academic/lifestyle trap, churning out poems about my sorry state. And we don't want any of that now, do we?

Choonage: Underworld - Sola Sistim

Sunday today. Woke up feeling sick again. This time, I probably really am sick. I've got aching bones, a blocked nose, a voice like an old man (no jokes about my age please) and a head full of stuffiness. When I answered Lynette's call at 2pm, she thought she'd woken me up, such was the frailty of my voice.
I watched England get beaten by Ireland in the Rugby and felt somewhat better. Now, if only Scotland could play alot better.
I think about the amount of work that has to be done in the upcoming week and the thought alone makes me even sicker so I shall stop thinking about work, I shall stop thinking about sickness. I shall think about sunny days and weather good enough for ice cream-eating on the street. I shall think about June....but in June, I graduate and that makes me think about work. Oh no, it's a vicious cycle....I have to stop thinking. It might be hard.
I might go to Tesco and look at food. That might make me feel better. I hope it does. Sorry for the meaningless post. It's all I could think of writing.

Choonage: Beth Orton- She Cries Your Name
Smashing Pumpkins - Tonite Reprise

Anthony AKA P.I.M.P.

Anthony AKA P.I.M.P.
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

Here, Anthony, in his ghetto-yah-fabulous outfit checks that things are just a-ok.

Short Shorts Chic.

Short Shorts Chic.
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

Doesn't Billie just look absolutely fabulous in her short shorts? Even though she was,at this point, very drunk, she still managed to look good!

Birthday Boy.

Birthday Boy.
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

Birthday Boy canadian James striking a pose before his swift descent into drunk mode.

Decent from the Waist Up.

Decent from the Waist Up.
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

Sam and I look decent here but if you'd been there,you'd have thought otherwise.

Woke up today feeling mildly awful then realised that it could be worse and instantly felt better. I have decided to start living with a more Positive Mental Attitude (PMA). When things are bad, I just have to remember that they could always be worse. At least I have my health. I have the use of all my limbs and I don't need daily medication of any kind (well,caffeine and nicotine do not count)......hurrah for health!
Then again, my head feels like it's been dipped into a cask of whiskey. I went to my first ever whiskey tasting last night. Organised by my mates Dreadlock Tom, Dave, Stevie B and Sara, it was a wicked night. 4 pounds for 6 shots of quality whiskey. Now that's value for money....oh yes.
After that, sufficiently whiskey-ed up, I went to Vena's for a sushi fest. Oh ma gawd,it was so so so nice to eat sushi again...I've not had sushi since september last yr...vena,texan sarah and hawaiian sarah slogged for 4 hrs to make loads of sushi which was much appreciated by the drunk crowd who turned up at Vena's. I had abt maybe 20 pieces of sushi and quite a bit of red wine...after that, I stumbled home to drink more whiskey which Aidan so kindly provided. We watched Crouching Tiger on mute with the soundtrack provided by DJ Rush. Techno and martial arts are a very very good mix I have to say. I went to bed and passed out almost immediately. In the course of the night I was assailed by the strangest dreams involving an old geography teacher shooting me with a stun gun for playing basketball......very very surreal.
Tonight is Canadian James' birthday party..."Short Shorts" is the theme...it should make for some very good pictures..stay chooned.

Choonage: The K&D Sessions

I was looking at a photo of myself (yes,i know,another egocentric post) today. The photo was of my 20 yr old self, taken on the day I returned from my last day in camp (the army camp for the ignorant or forgetful amongst you). I have to admit, I was very very healthy looking then. Today, I looked in the mirror and almost cried. I look a mess. And I blame the weather (and maybe my sheer laziness) for this state of affairs. If it wasn't so damn cold, I'd feel more compelled to walk the long 15 minute walk to the gym. But, it's been so cold and wet all day that the only time I ventured out today was to go to my class. Since then, I've been warm and unhealthy in my lovely flat. I wish the weather would get better. Oh well,spring is round the corner. I hope. Scotland is just grim as FARQ (as in colombia) in these wintery conditions.

Right about now, Tim is feeling weak and old. The weekend was bigbigbig. Last night was spent sitting in front of the telly watching programmes like Nathan Barley and The Friday Night Project (yes,on a saturday) and two movies, Shark Tale and Hero. It was mindless entertainment which resulted in my goin to bed late again. Woke up today feeling like my brain and body had just been put thru the tumble dryer. All cos of the night before the night before. Friday was wicked. Went to Aikman's for a charity event.....loads of my mates were performing in a little corner....Jack on the guitar, Dave on the keyboards,Andy on the drums, Alex on the bass and Sara with her amazing vocals. After that, I went to ye ol' union for some phat hiphop. There were some very good break dancers and some amazing performances from Foreign Beggars and Live Sciences, and some scratch djs. It was a nice change from the usual cheese and commmercial RnB. I had a chance to talk with some of the MCs later on that night at the after party at Chloe's. One of them got it into his head that I'd be able to secure him a gig in Singapore which I found very amusing....obviously not going to happen.That was another good party with London Ben 'rinsing' the decks with his uber fast drum and bass. It got a bit crowded and a bit intense at times but I survived and ended the night/morning at Alasdair's...drinking cider and listening to techno. So, a very good weekend but a financially,physically and mentally exhausting one. Now,I'm waiting for Bex to finish cooking our Sunday Roast meal cos i am absolutely starving. Peas out.

It's time to take stock of things. I am currently on a downward spiral. I have turned into a nocturnal alcoholic. I am caught up in a thousand emotions,in a cloud of lies I've made myself believe in. I woke up today,still pissed and unable to get out of bed due to the hangover. I watched Neighbours in bed cos I couldn't face the living room. I was going to take it easy tonight and sit at home but, for once, something half decent is happening at the Student Union. And. I am certainly up for a bit of hip hop. I'm really hoping that the hiphop won't be of the j-lo variety but more of the J5 sort. Apparently,there'll be break dancers, a "human beatbox" and grafitti artists. So, my plans for a quiet night have been dashed yet again. I'm of half a mind to stop making resolutions and plans...they always seemed to get foiled, for eg, I was attempting to study in the library earlier this week but this girl (with a fake tan so orange it made her look like a carrot with boobs) sat diagonally opposite me and made it impossible to concentrate on learning about the Pukapukans of the Cook Islands....such was the brilliance of her tan(fake) and her annoyingly low-cut white top,the contrast in colours was very very distracting. Anyhow, I am rambling again. What I'm trying to get across is the fact that things never quite happen as you plan for them to,not in this town at least.After all these years, I'm still constantly surprised whenever things don't go to plan(my plan)...looks like the army(with its ethos of ORDER has scarred me for life). So,it looks like I'll be putting on the ol' nike dunks and getting my groove on on the sticky, beer-covered floor that is Venue 1 in the Union.
I was going to start this blog off by talking abt last night's festivities. Well, the gathering to remember Leon went really well. Nobody was too emotional....it was just a bunch of his good mates,getting really really pissed,in his honour! There was the mass consumption of his favourite drinks, champagne and Gin and Tonics. The after party lasted for ages. I left Anthony's at 4 in the morn, realising that I had to hit the sack or risk a worse hangover than the one swiftly approaching. And we all know what happened when I woke up.
Choonage: The Trip (mix) by Snow Patrol

Woke up today late as I expected. I went to bed late last night(actually half-4 this morning) semi-tipsy..having spent a good deal of time trying(whilst full of whiskey) to turn a photo of my face into a stencil which,when printed, will be used for leaving my image everywhere in this little town........maybe that's not such a good idea.
Anyhow, on a more sombre,sober note. Today is the day that my dearly departed friend, Leon, would have turned 22. I feel almost guilty for outliving him. Tonight,we're having a little black tie gathering at the Lizard Lounge to remember him. We are going to get so pissed in his honour. Leon,wherever u are, I hope you realise that we miss and love you very much.
Nothing more to say, I'll report back when I've got my l'il head screwed on tighter.I'm an emotional yo-yo at the moment. Things just keep alternating between crisp,clear happiness and hazy,confused depression. I wish I could strike a balance, wish I was more sorted.

The weather seems to be getting better. I think. Still, when one has to wear 4 layers to walk a 3 minute walk, u know it isn't quite summer yet. Still, I managed to walk to Tesco with a grin on my face, ipod playing brazilian drum and bass and a smile inside my heart. I think it's the whole post-valentine's day effect...if I had to compare it to a feeling, let's just say it felt like I'd finally managed to get over the worst hangover of my life. *damn,I can't shake off my melodramatic mentality*...not that I'm not a fan of being in love or anything.....believe me, it would be nice to have someone by my side. It's just that in a town like St Andrews, it's so claustrophobic that one tends to feel emotions that are magnified by a thousand. On vday, watching happy couples walk hand in hand up and down the 3 streets we call town,well,it really was a bit much to take. Have I ever mentioned that I love my Ipod to bits? It is my lover,my aural girlfriend.
Anyhow,I am rambling and going off on yet another tangent. I'm just happy that I have my health. Oh! I watched Lost in Translation for the 2nd time last night. And, it seemed so much better.....actually,a thousand times better. First time I watched it, I didn't think that much of it,apart frm the amazing soundtrack. But last night, I was definitely feeling Bill Murray's acting...I could identify with the feeling of alienation and the sense of being trapped in a place that you don't feel comfortable in. How many of us have felt like that eh? Anyhow,before I burst into tears, I shall end here.....thank you Gina for letting me watch the dvd. I'm glad I gave it a second chance. Enough melodrama for today.

Maybe I'm being melodramatic, but I am so glad that vday is over. It actually feels like a brand new,happier day today. I can feel it. The sun is shining and I'm done with classes for the day. I even feel slightly guilty for the sad-nae-mates post from yesterday but I'm not making any apologies. I'm just glad I got thru the day. It was a painful day,having to deal with couples left,right and centre. Much thanks to Harriet for spending the afternoon with me....good company always makes things easier to cope with.That's about all for now. I think I'll be fine. Till the next mini minor disaster......melodrama is my new favourite past time.

To cut a long story short, I had me a wicked time last thursday and friday. I drank loads on my birthday(thursday),staying up till stupid o'clock with my flatmate Sean drinking whiskey. On friday, I took it easy,had a few amazing meals courtesy of sean,fi and sara. It was a very good day and that night I had a wee party at the bar of the Byre Theatre.Loads of good friends showed up and some of their friends too. My mate, alasdair, spun a mix of house,electro,techno and comedy german-disco with a very camp touch...it was all good and pretty funny....I drank too many G n Ts,which seem to have resulted in my uncharacteristically long hang over. It is hell at the moment. Plus, today is Valentine's day which, as Nick reminded me, is a day made up by greeting card companies to make ppl like me (well,us singles) feel like shit. It doesn't help that I am also the one person in a flat of 6 people who isn't attached...on days like these I certainly feel the sting. Hooray! So,here's my latest poem, written last night whilst sat on my own in my living room,nursing some whiskey at the end of the night.

Valentine

Valentine's Day,
Still alone,
Still jaded to the bone.
Whiskey, my mate.
Lonely is my fate.
Love always comes too late.
Drink a dram for me.
Drinking till I can't quite see.
Straight.

Tim'05

So there you go. Another moment of self-pitying. Apologies if I made any of u lucky couples feel bad. It is not intentional,not that I'd admit that it was. *grin*

Party Time.

Party Time.
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

This is how we like to dance in St Andrews. We sit on the floor,drinking and chatting....no wonder nobody gets any exercise in this town. Alasdair,the dj, must be the most tired man in St Andrews from standing up all night.

The gin-fuelled smile.

The gin-fuelled smile.
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

This is halfway thru the night, when the alcohol was getting to me but not the gin...for some reason, the gin only kicked in the following day and the day after that,and the day after that.....gin really does depress you,doesn't it?

So,
I am 24 now. And guess what? I got checked for ID when I was buying booze at tesco.....how funny is that? I could have kissed the cashier for making me feel young again....there was an obvious spring in my step after that....anyhow,the day has been great. The weather's been lovely and almost everybody is smiling. I feel somewhat enthusiastic for a change.
I just want to say thank you to all those who remembered.....and even those who forgot.....u are all very special to me....thank you for the birthday wishes and the presents and the love...and most importantly,your friendship.....it looks like things are getting better.......we'll see how i feel when I wake up hungover tomorrow though...hahahahahahahhaha...till the next post, hibba habba one hundred and tenth street!

This time tomorrow,I will be a boy of 24. It seems so weird to think of myself as a 24 yr-old..bloody hell. I don't actually know what to think.Maybe when I wake up tomorrow,I'll feel different and I'll have a new(positive?) mental attitude....who knows? It could well happen overnight though it might be kind of weird for everybody else....well,we'll just have to see. Happy Chinese New Year by the way. It feels like an ordinary day for me though. I went to class,I came back home, I watched some telly and now,I'm on the computer....not any richer and certainly alot poorer....ah,the joys of not being in Spore to pick up those lovely red packets filled with money......anyway,here's a poem I've decided to write right now(improv,freestyle electro poetry if u will):

The Poem of a Sad Moment

i don't want anything but you,
i don't want to see you with,
him.
i don't want to see you without me.
But is this wishful thinking?
i've got a sinking,
feeling.
That this is just the stuff which nightmares are made of.

so,don't come round.
don't talk to me,
I don't want to see,
you,
don't want you to see me,
blue.
I don't want anything but you.

Tim '05

By the way, one more week to 24. *Altogether now, everybody say,"No Way!"*

It's a quiet night in the library. I see one other anthropologist and a few other randoms. I am lacking the motivation to get me through the next few days. I am, however, full of caffeine, no thanks to my lovely academic son, Jack. If I don't sleep well tonight (again!!), I know who to blame.....myself. I need the caffeine just to feel 'normal' and to stay awake in this pit full of books and knowledge. Yet, when the time comes for me to stop studying, the caffeine always decides to do its job. I was up for hours last night, drifting in and out of consciousness, unable to distinguish between sleep and non-sleep....I had me a fitful time in my single bed. Woke up this morning with eye bags the size of california and a sore head. Why,oh why does the anthropology department put us through this? It will all be over in a few days....keep those fingers crossed and an eye upon the clock.