Yesterday was so painful. Woke up feeling uber hungover. Went for breakfast (something I never, ever do....my sleeping habits need to be sorted out!) with Sas,Eva and a whole bunch of folk. It was so good to hang out with Sas again...she's still one of my favourite NYC girlies....and just sitting on the couch,chatting randomly with her made me realise how much I've missed her this year...don't know when I'll next see her again...*please let me find 400 quid soon*...anyhow,spent the rest of the day in the library,attempting to forget the hangover. Work was near impossible....ended up leaving when I thought I was just about to explode. The lighting and stale air of our rubbish library did not help the hangover. Back home, spent hours on the computer, looking for jobs and the like...I have to admit, it wasn't entirely productive...it just made me more depressed....
Walked to the Byre for Slam Poetry...it was so hot, the crowd wasn't very receptive and so Kristina and I left to go to another pub. I spent the next few hours telling her about how scared I am about the future and how stressed I am about everything and she was so good,so patient with me....right now,I'm trying to scare myself into working....it has to be done. I am off to Glasgow in a few hours and won't be back till tomorrow....I NEED TO WORK!!!!!!Mon Tim, Mon the Work!!!

Poem of the Day:

My pillow.

My pillow.
The friend who listened when I wept,
And didn't talk back.
When I screamed into her feathery embrace,
She gently comforted my face.
And cradled my head,
As I dozed off in bed.
Let me lean against her when I needed support,
She's the only bedfellow I've got.
My pillow.

Tim'05

Choonage: Mum- The Land Between Solar Systems

Just a quick update on what's been going on the past couple of days:
Last sunday, got news that my application for an SPH scholarship was rejected.I'm not fuming anymore,I'm not that angry anymore....in fact, I'm kinda glad. It's annoying in so many ways but at the same time, at least I know that I've got the freedom to stay in the UK,should I decide to and should I manage to find a job....the only thing which annoys me is that it looks like I won't be going to Goldsmiths anymore...too bad I guess....unless,I somehow manage to find a couple of thousand quid soon....
The night before last was allnighter night....I got the essay done at silly o'clock and am now not looking forward to the next one, on monday night....I am going to be so pleased when the next (and from the look of things,last ever) essay is in on tuesday!
But before that, it's off to Glasgow on Saturday to see the big man himself, Carl Cox and his friends at the Barrowlands...Hurray for Techno..I sure could use a bit of a dance......let's hope I have the strength to behave myself and not get too carried away...in the mean time,if any of u can think of any jobs u could see me doing in London, give me a shout and I'll have a wee think.....the job application process is going to be so fun I can tell....*groan*

Today found me struggling to get out of bed. The hangover was of monumental proportions. Last night, I went to the Bop for possibly the last time ever as a St Andrews student. In spite of my immense dislike for cheesy music and the Bop in general, I enjoyed myself...probably cos I was so wasted...too many beers and jack and cokes does not a good combination make. I don't know what time I went to bed, I can hardly remember walking home.....but I do know that I woke up feeling rough like no other (well,like an ashtray is perhaps the most apt description) and I swear that my wee beer belly is definitely looking bigger than it was yesterday...i am not proud. In fact, I'm seriously considering not drinking beer for the next week. It should prove to be near impossible. Hello Gin, my friend. hahahahahaha.
I am also suffering from a severe lack of motivation. This does not augur well. I have an essay due next wednesday and I feel like I know just about nothing. I need to get back my PMA (positive mental attitude) as alasdair puts it....what's probably going to happen is that I'm going to wake up tomorrow and work my ass off to make up for the lack of work today...well,that's the plan at least. Tonight, I'm going to "Half Cut", St Andrews' first student film festival which should be good fun...my ex-flatmate, Chris, has been actively involved in 2 of the 5 (i think) films being shown tonight.....after the films(dare I say this?),I might go to the pub...it's almost a certainty.......oh no.......Lynette, if u're reading this, u can probably understand why my blog revolves around the same themes....it's my life in St Andrews....it doesn't get more exciting than walks on the beach, trips to the pub, drinking at home, watching numerous films and surfing on the internet....oh, and the odd bit of studying as well!*grin*

Chief Sitting Duck.

Chief Sitting Duck.
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

This is what I looked like a week ago. I was a village people-inspired native american indian (hence the wife beater), from the Disco tribe. Who knows what I'll be today? Maybe I'll be an alcoholic student. I don't dress up every weekend by the way. The outfit was cos I went to a wildwild west themed party......

Been spending loadsa time in the library the past couple of days...and as usual, my head's been somewhere else and I want to do anything but study! So, here's the:
Poem of the Day:

Wounded? Fallen?

My Personal Hell,
My Prison Cell,
The recesses of my mind.
I plumbed its depths,
For days on end.
To leave the past behind.
But truth be told,
I feel so old,
My broken heart won't mend.

Tim'05


Choonage: Portishead - Roads

I realised today that I've yet to tell you guys more about my wee trip to the Isle of Mull a couple of weeks ago....well, it was amazing...proper countryside, proper scotland. We stayed with my mate Matt and his family and some of his sibling's friends...Matt's house itself is lovely. The floor in the kitchen and much of the house is heated so it was really nice to walk about barefoot in the morning. We ate big,hearty meals...the eggs we scrambled in the morning were laid by the family hens and the Techno Barn (my name for Matt's little barn opposite his house) had sheepskin rugs made from the wool of the family sheep. In Matt's Techno Barn, we played *here it comes...* techno at incredibly high volumes, drank lots of tea and beer (not at the same time) and turned it into a little amsterdam of sorts*grin*.....the island itself is massive...full of sheep, mountains, highland cows, shetland ponies....basically,lotsa big,empty spaces..the sort of place you could easily get lost in without much hope of being found.....especially since,I didn't get any mobile phone reception at all when I was on the island....the beaches were lovely,the rocks were great for scrambling around on...it made me feel like a little kid, scrambling up to the top of the rocks and trying hard not to get blown over by the uber strong winds...the air was so fresh and so clean and it did me loads of good...right now,I'm stressed about the next essay,due a week from today and my head just isn't functioning. My memory is almost non-existent and it took me about 3 hours to get thru an article today. I wish I didn't have 9am classes on tuesday...it just makes me feel useless the rest of the day. Hope you guys are faring better. Oh! On a happy note but one which could potentially involve much academic pain in the upcoming weeks, I should be going to see Carl Cox and friends next saturday in Glasgow..it is going to be mental....1,900 person standing capacity! Hurrah!

choonage: Death Cab For Cutie - Transatlanticism

Poem of the Day:

Hungover But Happy

Woke up,
Dry Mouth,
Head Hurts,
Throat Sore.
Make myself a breakfast fit for a whore.
Black coffee,
Ciggie.
Everything is fuzzy.
In spite of everything,
I'm grinning.
I'm alive,
Sort of well,
I've survived yesterday's hell.
Hungover,
But Happy.

Tim'05

Choonage: Death Cab For Cutie - A Lack of Color

Poem of the Day

Bouts with Doubt

What am I to you?
Just a friend?
I want so much more than that.
Why do I always fall for the wrong girls?
Maybe I'm the one who's wrong.
It's been so damn long.
I can't remember what being part of a pair's like.
I'm like the Cheshire Cat with my fixed, empty grin,
I'm the one drinking all that gin.
Is it too much to ask for something mutual?
My daily bouts with doubt,
My lips ever threatening to pout.
My fragile heart,
My naive mind,
Leaving on fanciful flights
Once again,
Another sleepless night.


Tim'05

Thinking happy thoughts make me fly.

Thinking happy thoughts make me fly.
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

I have to say,I really really dig this photo....yes,I'm feeding my insatiable ego-boosting appetite(does this make any sense?!)...Sara took a great photo of me on the Isle of Mull. If you look closely enough,you'll see that I'm about to fly away to the sacred Isle of Iona in the background...This(ability to fly) is accomplished through thinking many happy thoughts(about peter pan perhaps....no, more like Tinkerbell). I particularly like my windswept look....I hope you find it as sexy as I do.Ok,I have to stop before things get out of hand (if they haven't already)!!!

Rita, myself and a road in London

Rita, myself and a road in London
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

On a sunny day about a month back, I met up with Rita in Covent Garden. This photo makes me smile. Hanging out with Rita reminded me of all that was good about my first year in Uni. I'm glad we had loads to talk about even though it'd been a good 2 years since I'd last seen her. I don't know why I had such a smug grin on my face...maybe it's cos I take a perverse pleasure in taking photos with hot girls, especially when they're my friends!*grin* If you're reading this Rita, the pleasure was all mine!

I've survived the essay all-nighter yet again. Monday into Tuesday morning was pure torture. Found myself in the library on Monday at 12pm. Left the library proper at 9.45pm (of course,i left every now and then to get food and the like). Went to The Lizard (Lounge) at half 10 to catch Sara and Sean and the rest of the band play.....left at midnight. Sat,making an essay plan. Started the essay at 2am. Finished the essay,at half8 in the morn. There were times when I sat in the dark,trying to think.Trying not to burst into tears. Asking myself (as I do everytime I pull this stunt) why I put myself thru such torture.....My brain wasn't working like it should. I suspect it still isn't...anyhow,carrying on....I went to my 9am class...sat there WIRED....too much caffeine,nicotine,sugar....believe me,I was crashing strongly...started thinking that everybody was staring at me....esp,the lecturer....started seeing little flashes of light....anyhow,to cut this long and boring story short, I caught a wee 3.5 hr nap in the afternoon and stayed up till 2am this morning watching some very strange movies. The first one, "Spun", was exactly what I shouldn't have watched....the protagonist, a "speed freak", stays up for days....filling his head with that evil white powder...the camera work was crazy with jerky,little movements ever so often to make it feel like you were him....feel like him,I did...I thought I was going to be sick a few times during the show. After that, I thought I'd watch something "normal"...so,I sat thru 2 hours of "Carnages", a "Critically-Acclaimed"(according to the cover of the DVD box...of course they'd do so,wouldn't they?...come to think of it,I should have been a bit more discerning) French movie..... anyhow,it was a strange,strange movie....I can't quite put into words how disturbing some of the characters in the fillm were...they seemed normal initially but were really,f**king weird for lack of a better description...ohmyhead.....no more film chat from me...I have so much stuff to do today...I went for a lovely lunch with Bec today.It was my belated birthday present to her...we sat there, talking about how things are coming to a swift end here in St Andrews and how it just seems so strange to think that, this is it. It really is it....who knows what we'll all be doing this time next yr?
Right,I've bored you guys enough. Here is a poem written in the library on monday when I should have been reading instead:

Poem of the Day:

Your Words


Held me down,
Strangled me,
Wrapped around my neck.
Lifted me up,
Left me hanging,
Made me speechless,
Choking.
I had no defense,
No armour,
Nothing.
Piercing, Icy, Hurtful Words,
Is what I get,
Instead of Your Loving.

Tim'05

Poem of the Day:

Death by Phone


Never felt more alone,
Sitting here drunk and stoned.
I find myself reaching for the phone,
To tell you that I miss you,
That I'm sorry I left you.
Do you miss me too?

You say you hate me,
That you don't need me,
And you've never been more happy.
I know I've hit an all-time low,
As my tears start to flow,
And I realize that I can't let go,

Of a time that is no more.

Tim'05

So, Mull was amazing. I wish I had enough time to descibe every single feeling I've felt over the past few days. Unfortunately, I have an essay to write by tuesday and to make matters worse, the library is shut till monday. Good luck, Tim. You're so going to need it. Folk out there, I implore you to cross your fingers, your toes and any other body part capable of being crossed....for example, your legs. I have a feeling I'm not going to get much sleep in the next few days....the updates will come shortly. Apologies for my poor work ethic. If I'd only sorted myself out earlier, I'd be able to blog more....but then again, I'm sure you guys could do with a break from tim eh?Aye. Indeed.

Just a quick update/summary before I head off to the Isle of Mull in about 10 hours to visit my friend, Matt, the Crab Fisherman, The past few days have been filled with stress, red wine, an utter lack of sleep(i.e. insomnia x1) and lots of Murakami literature. I need to chill the hell out and I reckon that this short sojourn to Mull is exactly what I need. Keep smiling y'all. I am full of beer. By the way, Lynette, if you're reading this...my drunk self commands you to come visit next week. You know you want to!*sly grins*

Hmmm...another wasted day....kind of. Woke up late but managed to catch The O.C. for the first time in weeks(hooray)! ....had a brief chat with my unreasonable land lord when he came round with yet another hoover. Went to Woolworth's to do a spot of shopping (this is as exciting as it gets...the high street of St Andrews as it were). Before entering, bumped into Alasdair and dragged him in with me. Left Woolworth's with 4 wine glasses (looks like I will finally get to drink wine out of a wine glass for the first time in the 2 yrs that I've lived in 7 Ellice Place) and a Snow Patrol CD (Songs for Polarbears).
Went back to mine, sat about pretending to read Marilyn Strathern's "Gender of The Gift" for my essay. Failed because I couldn't help but join in the banter with Ali and Gina in my living room. Went with the 2 to Tesco on a little shopping expedition. Had a 2 minute fake argument with Ali about which meat to buy. He won in the end but only because he's cooking tonight (I hope!)...came back, sat about some more, did the Marley thang and decided to sit with Ali and make posters for made-up products. He made a poster for "Lax Tobacco; 'the tobacco which makes u shit urself!'" and I made a poster for the "Tree Peeps Political Party"....after a good half an hour or so, I decided that I needed to use my computer so I could tell you dear readers what I've been up to. What an interesting life I lead. I feel like a sloth on ritalin. Or something like that.

The weather was amazing today so Aidan and I went to Luvian's to buy ice-cream. I had me a scoop of lemon sorbet and a scoop of irn bru sorbet. It was delightful. We then walked to Castle Sands to skip stones. My right deltoid is beginning to ache from the exercise. Ahhh, it's tough being a student, it is.
After that, we took a nice walk thru town...something about sunny days...everybody looks like they're smiling. We ended up at Bottoms Up (I don't think I need to explain what sort of establishment this is)....we bought 3 bottles of wine and now, I can't decide if I should start drinking or if I should exercise some self-restraint.....who knows?? That's all fer now....