Wednesday today. Still trying to sort myself out,still hungover,still confused. Still haven't done enough/any work. Sara's 22nd birthday today...another reason to lose myself. Still trying to figure out what to do with my life. Still full of angst,hopelessness and all the trimmings. Wish I had some Japanese food,nevermind sporean food....dreaming of roti prata,popiah and hot,spore weather. Still looking at the computer screen,waiting for it to suck me into the virtual world,I need an escape from the freezer that is St Andrews. Whiskey can only do so much....Caffeine is a-buzzing thru my veins. Am thinking about all my mates and all the fun they're getting up to. Somebody write me long,flowery letters so I know what's up with you guys. Feel trapped and alone,burnt out and needing some drive in my life. Need a kick up the arse,please no one volunteer. Wish I had money, a healthy body and a fresh perspective. Wish I was in NYC, drinking coffee with Sam(my Sam!)and also,chatting with Pei Ru about the futility of day-dreaming. Wish I was in London with Neelesh,whining to him about why I'm not going anywhere,anywhere. He and I understand each other in a way they only write about in bestsellers. Wish I was in Toronto with my wee sis so I could talk to her face to face and not thru the webcam (wouldn't mind some real snow too!).Wish I was in Manchester so I could make Ishwin motivate me with his chat about careers and the like. Wish I was on the train with Mr Moon(aka Sam) as I type,down to London to see Londoners. Wish I was at home with my folx,feeling a sense of calm and order and generally just soaking up the sense of security that is HOME. Wish I was in Spore with The Tick aka Jon Fong, listening to his quirky take on local life and in doing so, realising that his thoughts pertain to life on a larger scale (drinking beer all the while). Wish I was in Atlanta,complaining to Micol about life in St Andrews.Wish I could write poetry at the drop of a hat. Speaking of which, here's the latest poem,written yesterday:

Need your Loving

I hunger for your attention,
Feed my love addiction.

I need you night and day,
I need you when I work and when I play.
I need you when I sleep,
Laugh, eat, and weep.

Please stay with me forever.

Tim '05

I realise that it's a fairly simple poem but I think it gets the message across. Unfortunately, it isn't directed at anybody in particular..just the mystery future mother of my unborn children. Maybe it's my conscience I'm writing about. Who knows?
And this is the end of today's blog. Your attention probably started wandering(wondering even?) a long time ago. If you're remotely religious, pray that I'll start to see the silver linings which I know are there, hiding behind all the layers of grey.

And so, the most depressing day of the year (apparently,it's been scientifically proven) is behind us...which means that things can only get better!Hooray! Don't know bout u guys but for many of us in St Andrews, yesterday seemed a particularly poor day....on my part, I was listless,unmotivated,lethargic and emotional (yes,I know it sounds like how I always am!)....the night ended on a good note though....well,nothing a little whiskey won't help...I went to bed and slept like a baby,waking up this morning to the secure sounds of Classic FM....it's my new thang,waking up to classical music....there's this sense of calm I often feel when waking up to it, uplifting even......although there was this one morning when I woke up to Wagner's Flight of the Valkyries and it gave me a bit of a shock I have to admit.....oh well,that's another story. Here's to a better year for everybody.

It's been a good few days since I had my exam and since then,it's been a real struggle trying to motivate myself to work on the first draft of my dissertation which is due in less than 2 weeks....I've done a fair amount of reading for it but not quite enough and I certainly haven't written anything for it......argh..I can't wait for it to be in and for 2nd semester to start....my last ever 2nd semester in this place....it's all happening so fast....time seems to be travelling in two ways; 'normal' linear time,going slowly,second by second and the other being that time is just flying by at super speed, and there's nothing I can do to stop it going any slower.......right,I've just realised that I have a load of stuff to do....see youse later.

The past few weeks have been arduous and soul-destroying....I have been plunged into emotional depths I never thought possible...and all of it related to academia.....4th year is turning out to be a right pain in the ass.....oh well,I am quite sure that I will get through it somehow. I am sorry to be so vague about details but I really am sick and tired about whining about my situation and it really ain't that bad to be honest...it could be alot worse.......the weather doesn't help either....at this time of year, it does suck to be in a place this cold.

The meltdown has begun.....what started innocently enough on monday has turned into a fullblown process of brain annihilation....I've spent far too much time in the library,more time here than in my own flat....I am going nuts.......speaking of nuts,I really fancy some pistachios right about now.

I've entered the month of stress. This looks to be the most stressful month of my university career. Oh no, oh no, oh no. I am going to need patience, tolerance, determination, drive, initiative, emotional valium and a whole bag of tricks. Before all this goes to my head, I'm going to have to put my head down and get on with it...work is a biatch and I am going to come out of this month a whole lot stronger....hopefully,at the end of this month I will find myself in London,chilling out like a mutha.Wish me luck.

Ish the Mystic Groover.

Ish the Mystic Groover.
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

I love this photo of Ish...doesn't he look dead sexy? This man here was a big hit when we went to the Arabic Disco....believe me when I say that it wasn't my choice.Still,it was an experience and a half.....I've never eaten ben n jerry's on the dancefloor of a club before!

She Must Come Soon.

She Must Come Soon.
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

This photo,taken in the modern art museum in amsterdam, fills me with hope. Imagine that, it took some words on a wall to improve my outlook on life...how sad is that?

Oldest friend aka possible bestest friend!

Oldest friend aka possible bestest friend!
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

Deep in darkest Amsterdam,the two of us posed for this photo,struggling to keep our eyes open all the while.

Floor meets Neelesh.

Floor meets Neelesh.
Originally uploaded by buggboy.

On the 29th of December 2004, we celebrated Alasdair's 21st birthday at OKO in Glasgow...we all had fun,even Neelesh who decided to lie on the floor towards the end of the night. The next day, when reminded of his floor-appreciation efforts, the Prabhu had forgotten the incident completely and accused me and Ish of being lying(no pun intended) scoundrels.